I have had a love/hate
relationship with chocolate all my life. It is my passion, my addiction, and my
doom. My mouth, mind, heart, and soul worship at the chocolate altar.
Conversely, my body rejects it full out. Inflamed joints, headaches, digestive
problems and initial hyperactivity which then gives way to dysphoria – these are
the gifts with which chocolate rewards me for my homage. It is not a compatible
substance for my physical being. I suspect that the Tree of the Knowledge of
Good and Evil that is said to have gotten Adam and Eve in so much trouble was
probably hung with cocoa beans instead of apples… irresistible, but with
disenchanting after effects, to say the least. That, in a cocoa bean shell, is
the definition of chocolate and me.
Today I found a small nugget of
Dove milk chocolate lurking near the bottom of my backpack. I had picked it up
from the candy dish in a friend’s office, and then miraculously forgotten about
it. Finding it was like discovering a chest full of gold doubloons. Here was
this tiny, 1½ inch x ¾ inch rectangle of delight in a deep royal blue and gold
foil wrapper, sitting there waiting to be discovered. It was just there among
my books and backpack minutiae – enticing me – calling alluringly, “I won’t
hurt you. I’m so small. Savor me. Melt me on your tongue. Relish my sensual
richness. You know you want me.” It was such a tiny indulgence – and I
immediately convinced myself it was not enough to really cause any trouble.
Just an infant piece of chocolate. Innocent. There was no other choice but to
yield to its pleadings.
The thought immediately came to
me; “I will eat this mindfully. I will fully explore the experience of this
tiny miracle I have been given. Being mindful will make it okay. This will
truly bring a moment of enlightenment for me.”
I set the stage for my experience
with classical music so that the lilting tones of Mozart or Chopin would enrich
my mindful state, and a fountain on my headboard added the bubbling sound of
water over rocks. I placed my body in a semi lotus position in the middle of
the quilt covering my waterbed. How Zen of me. I cleansed my palate with a
drink of cool clear filtered water, then began to examine my treasure. The
shiny wrapper gleamed in my hand, and I listened attentively to the crackle of
the foil as I gingerly unwrapped the ends. Immediately, the wonderful aroma
began drifting up to me. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. “Ahhh.” Joanne
Harris’ book came to my mind. "Chocolat." Speaking French, I
realized, was just another meaningful part of this transformational experience.
"Chocolat."
Always being one to follow
instructions, I tore where the wrapper said, “tear here.” It parted easily and
I once again inhaled the fragrance of my obsession. Then I thought, “How should
I best indulge myself? Should I bite it in two pieces, giving the illusion of
increased quantity?” I quickly decided that it would be more mindful to
luxuriate in the entire bite all at once. Gently placing the morsel on my
tongue, I tenderly closed my mouth around it.
The first sensation was the sweet
smoothness… the deep richness of it. I ran my tongue across the rectangular
bottom, defining the distinct edges, and then over the smooth rounded top. “Do
not bite it.” I warned myself. “Let it melt slowly, savoring each tiny
delectable drop.” The sweetness was intense, leaving an odd but pleasurable
sensation in the back of my throat. “This is the way to do it. Let it melt in
your mouth. You won’t even need to chew. Just let it vanish. Do not bite it!”
I bit once on the left side and
twice on the right. I couldn’t control myself. I had to feel it – that
exquisite sensation of teeth gliding through dense chocolate. Then I continued
to let the smooth sweet confection melt down the back of my palate.
“This is the epitome of being ‘in
the moment,’ ” I told myself smugly. “There is no way anyone can tell me I
don’t have this mindfulness thing down-pat.” The last creamy drops of milk
chocolate were meandering down the back of my tongue and sliding down my
throat.
“Ahhh, Chocolat.” I repeated.
Mindfully I put on my shoes,
paying attention to the way the shoe slipped onto my foot and the way the shoe
strings felt under my hands. As I grabbed my car keys I fully experienced the
cool metal and the jingle as they clinked gently together. I felt the soft leather
of my wallet as I tucked it under my arm. The night air felt cool on my cheek,
and the road was bathed in the golden glow of a full moon as I turned my car
toward my destination. I wandered thoughtfully through the aisles with a
renewed appreciation for the bounty that we have in our land. And as I drove
away, I knowingly patted the small bag next to me on the seat. I knew in my
heart that just as I had mindfully savored that single nugget of delicious
chocolate just moments before, so would I be fully in the moment as I indulged
in these additional 24 pieces of Dove milk chocolate nestled on the seat beside
me.
Chocolat… Sweet Chocolat.
Namaste.
LAE 2002
