Angel Girl and the Mask Fairies - For Savannah

November 11, 2014

To Savannah Angel  From Mawney

  …because I love you more than all the fairies and all the magic fairy dust in all the Universe, times Infinity and Beyond!

Going to the hospital was never Angel's favorite thing.  Oh yes… the doctors and nurses and all the others were really really nice to her and she got lots of yummy blue popsicles when it was over. But still… when she heard she had to have another "Pro-ceed-ure,"  she was not a happy camper.

Angel tried her best to not be a Whiney Pants or a Screamy Head.  She wanted to complain about her hospital gown being blue and not pink (the pink didn't come in her size).  She wanted to whine when Mom had to leave to go to the bathroom, and about them not having Dolphin Tale 2 on their movie channel.  Her hospital bracelet was white, not pink… and her puffy polka-dot surgery hat kept falling down in her eyes. Angel wanted to shout at the top of her lungs "Get Me Out of This Place!" But instead, when she felt that rumbly grumbly feeling in her tummy that usually happened before she threw an official Whiney Pants Screamy Head fit,  Angel took a deep breath, counted to 4, and let it out slowly.  After she did that a few times, she always felt better.  An itsy bitsy tiny whine managed to sneak out of her mouth - but that was okay.  I mean… nobody expected her to be happy with everything, right?

A friendly doctor came in and talked to Angel about the mask that would give her the gas to help her fall asleep.  "I suppose you want it to smell like something really awful, like a skunk stink or a sweaty armpit … or maybe rotten eggs?" he asked.  "I mean, you don't want some boring thing like cotton candy or bubble gum, right?" 

Angel thought about choosing poopy diaper smell just to be funny - but instead she said "Cotton Candy, please… with a little Bubble Gum thrown in."

The operating room was bright and shiny - with people scurrying about, doing their different jobs.  Angel was not paying attention to them.  She was looking for Teelee, Taylee and Tolee, the 3 mask fairies.  They were there someplace… they always were.  The nice "go to sleep" doctor sat down on the little black rolly stool next to her, and as soon as he picked up the mask - she saw Teelee, perched on the hose that led to the mask, smiling her twinkling fairy smile.  Angel smiled back as Taylee and Tolee peeked out from under the edge of the mask where they had been hiding.   All three fairies giggled… but Angel knew that no one could hear or see them but her.  Her own special fairies were there to watch over her while she slept.

When Dr. "Go-to-Sleep" said "Are you ready to go to sleep now, Angel?" she nodded her head happily as the fairies danced on top of the mask.  And as it came down over her face, she could see the magic fairy dust they had left for her inside.  It glittered soft pink and sunny yellow, with purple, blue and green sparkles too.  She felt it sprinkle down so gently from the mask as it settled on her face -and she breathed in a deep breath of yummy smelling cotton candy - with a little bubble gum thrown in.  The fairies were doing leaps and cartwheels up and down the hose, and as she drifted off to sleep she heard their tiny high voices singing to her. "The other fairies will be finishing your wake-up surprise while you sleep… and the three of us will be right here with you the whole time!" they sang. "Sweet dreams Angel Girl!"

The Molly Connection

Molly never met or even talked to Savannah Angel.  She did see all the pictures I plastered on Facebook, like any self-respecting grandmother worth her salt would do.  And she instantly responded when she heard about the physical challenges Savannah was facing.  Like Savannah, Molly was born with a congenital defect, although Savannah's is a Chiari Malformation, which is neurological, and not intestinal like Molly's Hirshprungs Disease.  But Molly knew from personal experience what it was like for Savanah to have 7 major surgeries and extended PICU/hospital stays before the age of 3.  Molly understood what it was like for Savannah to be "different" - and to have a life that was not like the lives of other kids she knew.  She had also seen how hard it was to be the mother (or grandmother) of a child who was chronically and sometimes critically ill - to watch them hover at the gateway to the next world and not be sure how long they would stay here this time around. 

No matter what was going on in Molly's life or what tremendous challenges she was facing personally, when we connected - she would always ask about Savannah and want to know what was going on with her.  She would ask about me too and how "Mawney" (my grandkid's name for me) was holding up.  And Savannah knew Molly as well, because her Mom and I told her about the bright and brave young woman who understood, and was sending her love and good thoughts.  Two incredibly powerful spirits, connected by a common thread of living every inch and ounce of life full-out, no matter what!!

In June of 2013, after only a brief 24 years on this planet, Molly's body had finally had all it could take, and she made her transition. We talked to Savannah about Molly's spirit still being with us, and about her being a special angel now.  Being only 3 at the time, and not really understanding the concept of death, Savannah just accepted what we said.  She was sad - and then she  moved on, as young children are blessed to do.  She was just too young to linger on it.

About a week after Molly passed, my daughter was in the car with Savannah.  Molly had not been mentioned for several days, but out of the blue this tiny, wise and connected child said, 

"Mommy, that angel is here."

"What angel?" my daughter asked.

Savannah replied, " You know - that girl angel."

It was Molly.

When my daughter told me the story, tears filled my eyes.  Molly's Facebook page sat unused - the little chatbox with her name no longer popped open  - and there were no late-night talks about school or her job or her boyfriend or her new hair color.  But she was still watching over my sweet granddaughter.  She has continued to be with Savannah through more than a dozen major surgeries now. And I know that whether Molly is just hanging out in Nirvana with the horses and Lila, her Great Dane, or she has chosen another exciting journey to take, her spirit will find the time to be with my granddaughter when she needs her. That's just who Molly is... and her HUGE spirit is way to big for a little thing like death to stop her!

I don't actually believe we become angels when we die.  That was just the easiest way to explain it to a young child, who I call my "Angel Girl."  But if Molly comes to Savannah in the form of an angel - who am I to argue with that?  I do believe that after our physical bodies are gone, a part of us remains with those we love and have shared our lives with, and we can still connect with them in different ways when we allow it to happen.  It's not something mystical or magical… but then again, maybe it is.  It's the mystical magical power of love…and when it's real, it lasts forever!

 

For more of Molly's story go to August 2013

"24 Years and 7 Months"

https://undissolved.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-poem-below-was-written-by-my-dear.html

Silent Journey

The house was dark that night.  Only a small slice of the full moon was visible through the thick black storm clouds.  She reached for the bathroom door, turning the knob so slowly… so gently… making no noise.  Small bare feet tiptoed out into the hallway, and no one heard the silent steps to the kitchen.  No one heard the freezer door open or saw the thin sliver of light, just the width of her tiny child's body.  She stood in the narrow space, feeling the coolness on her flushed face, and it made her think of snow; cold, white, pure, lovely snow, untouched and sparkling under the full moon.  Her mind slipped away into the picture, falling backwards in a snowy drift, and feeling the cold begin to numb the pain – melting the fire inside her away into nothingness.  So quiet… so peaceful… so safe and invisible.

The dog nuzzled her foot, cruelly jolting her back into her body, into the pain and shame of things that she had not been able to wash away, no matter how many times she had rinsed the red stain from the washcloth.  She had no idea how long she had been standing there, but her face was almost numb with cold.  She dared not risk the squeak of the refrigerator door, so tonight would have to be a grape Popsicle from the freezer and a handful of M&Ms hurriedly snatched from the bowl on the counter.  She slipped the bright colored candies into her pocket, and hid the Popsicle inside the folds of her robe… just in case.  But this would be a good night, and no one would stir to interrupt her sad silent journey... back to her only reward for a job well done.

The Land of New Beginnings

 Babe Ruth  "BABE"

The best dog ever... run free baby boy!!  I love you forever!

In the forest Land of Dream Time where the sunshine of day melts into the moon-glow of night, there lives an enormous brown bear known as Dream Catcher.  At her side stands Bright Spirit, a magnificent gray wolf with glossy coat and glistening eyes.  Despite their size and strength, Dream Catcher and Bright Spirit are wise and gentle spirits.  They offer their power willingly to those who seek their help.  Together they stand at the Dream Gate, waiting for the chance to catch bad dreams and snatch them away from sleeping children.  All the children are grateful to have such brave and loving protectors standing guard at the Dream Gate, and they trust Dream Catcher and Bright Spirit to watch over them through the night.

One clear starlit night, Dream Catcher and Bright Spirit were busy at the Dream Gate.  They would grab a bad dream, and hurl it with all their strength into a far deserted end of the Universe, where it could never hurt anyone again.  Suddenly, they heard a little girl sobbing into the night.  Dream Catcher sent Bright Spirit to see if a nightmare had escaped them and was the cause of the child's tears. 

Bright Spirit crept silently into the weeping child's room, being very careful not to waken or startle her.  He sat quietly at the foot of her bed, watching for signs of a nightmare.  Then he realized the little girl was awake and was not dreaming at all.  When the child spotted Bright Spirit, she saw him as a soft warm creature and was not the least bit frightened.  But she continued to cry, so the wolf asked her what was wrong. 

"It's Tippy," said the little girl between sobs.  "He was my best friend in the world.  He was with me since I was a tiny baby, and now he died and went away forever.  Mommy says Tippy is in a beautiful place with lots of other animals.  But I miss him so much my heart feels like it's melting away."

 

Bright Spirit leaned over to the little girl and very gently laid one huge paw on her shoulder.  The child turned and threw her arms around the wolf's soft furry neck, and slowly her sobs began to stop.  When she was quiet, Bright Spirit nuzzled her back onto her pillow and gently pulled the blanket over her up with his teeth.  Then the great wolf spoke.

"I am a watcher in the Land of the Dream Time, and my job is to help children have happy dreams.  I have some friends who live in the Land of New Beginnings.  I will tell them of your sadness, and they will help you."  Then Bright Spirit sat by the little girl's bed until she fell into a sweet and peaceful sleep.

The journey to the Land of New Beginnings was a short one for the powerful gray wolf.  It took only a few moments to locate his friends.  The sleek chestnut horse Pathfinder was galloping across the rolling green hills with a herd of new arrivals.  The strong and beautiful dog Golden Guide was playing in the stream with a small red terrier who had only been in the Land of New Beginnings for a short time.  Pathfinder was ready to begin the search for the little girl's dog immediately, but Golden Guide knew they did not need to search.  Tippy was the little wet dog splashing in the stream next to him.

As quick as the twinkle of a star Tippy was sent with Pathfinder and Golden Guide to let his little girl know he was okay.  In a wonderful dream Tippy told his girl that he was in a special place with dogs, cats, horses, wolves, bears, and all kinds of wonderful animals who were friendly and kind.  In this dream Tippy showed the child that the place was very beautiful, with rolling green hills to run on, sparkling streams to splash in, and all the playmates he could ever want.  Tippy introduced his owner to Pathfinder and Golden Guide, and told the little girl that these gentle wise animals were the keepers of the Land of New Beginnings, where all creatures have a new start.  Most important, Tippy told his little girl that he would always be a part of her.  If she ever felt sad or just wanted his company, she could close her eyes, call to him, and his spirit would be with her in a flash.  After that, Tippy licked the tears from the little girl’s face, gave her a big wiggly puppy hug, and told her good night.  His friend was sleeping peacefully when the little dog returned to the gateway of the dream world.  There he stood watch for the night with Dream Catcher and Bright Spirit, just to make sure the little girl's sleep was sweet and peaceful.

In the forest land of Dream Time where the sunshine of day melts into the moon-glow of night, there lives an enormous brown bear known as Dream Catcher.  At her side stands Bright Spirit, a magnificent gray wolf with glossy coat and glistening eyes.  Sometimes they are joined by a strong and graceful chestnut brown horse and a large powerful golden dog.  All the children are grateful to have such brave and loving protectors in the Land of Dream Time and the Land of New Beginnings.  And once in a while, Pathfinder and Golden Guide bring along an extra friend like a small red terrier named Tippy.