Dandelion Whine

I once saw a weed-killer commercial with a dandelion talking to another dandelion as it dies. It says "my roots are really hurting" and it keeps calling the other one’s name - "Hank... Hank, are you there??" - but Hank's already withered and gone to that big meadow in the sky. I wanted to cry when I saw this commercial.

I personally think that dandelions are one of the prettiest flowers around. When I had a lawn, I refused to weed a portion of it because I thought I might accidentally pull up a dandelion. What is it that makes people call a lovely yellow Chrysanthemum a flower while a lovely yellow Dandelion is a weed? Does a plant require a retail receipt to qualify on the list of official flowers? Apparently Mr. Webster thought so. In my Websters Encyclopedic Dictionary of the English Language (which requires a crane to lift from the book-shelf) a weed is said to be, "a valueless plant growing wild, esp. one that grows on cultivated ground to the exclusion or injury of the desired crop... any useless, troublesome, or noxious plant, esp. one that grows profusely." (Weed is also defined as "a marijuana cigarette...a thin ungainly person or animal... a mourning band of black crepe or cloth, as worn on a man's hat or coat sleeve," or simply "mourning garments." All of these are irrelevant to what I'm writing about, but I just thought it was interesting...) So what are the criteria for deciding that a dandelion is a "valueless plant?"

In Phoenix, Oleanders grow almost like wild to the exclusion of all grass and plants that try to grow near them. The poisonous leaves of this plant are dangerous to animals and humans, and once they settle in, it takes a nuclear blast to get rid of them - but still, they are considered “valued” plants, because you can purchase them at any nursery. Bermuda grass is really a weed, and it definitely grows wildly and profusely, but some people cultivate it while others want it gone. Who makes these value judgments, and why?

Returning to Mr. Webster, his two-ton volume defines the word flower as “…a plant considered with reference to its blossom or cultivated for its floral beauty.” Well, Noah baby, I’m starting a dandelion farm. I’m going to cultivate dandelions for their floral beauty. What’s wrong with a bouquet of petite golden dandelions for your dinner table? All you need is a very short vase and you can have a glorious piece of sunshine in your home. Move over roses… the dandelions are coming! I’ll sell them at roadside stands and call them Dainty Dandies and no one will know they’re paying $7.99 a bunch for “weeds” because they will be purchasing them for their floral beauty! What do you say to that, Mr. Webster??

Do you know what happens to a $40.00 bouquet of tulips when it starts to turn brown and wither? It goes directly to the dumpster. Once its original beauty has faded, it’s worthless… but not so with the amazing dandelion. Autumn comes... and the lovely yellow petals magically turn into whispy white angel wings - the courier of our dreams and wishes. One strong puff on a dried dandelion and you can send 30 or 40 or 50 exciting aspirations out into the universe. Puff… “I wish for a new car.” Puff… “I wish for a new house.” Puff…” I wish for the end of poverty.” Puff… “I wish for world peace.” Puff…” I wish for my mother-in-law to become a mute.” Big stuff, small stuff, noble stuff, petty stuff… it doesn’t matter. The magical dandelion wish machine makes no judgments but simply does its job of carrying your dreams toward the stars.

An unassuming little plant, the dandelion. Short stature…sturdy roots… a strong head… and the ability to withstand almost any climate. It offers us a lesson in its unconditional acceptance of its place in the world. It does not try to convince anyone that it’s a lily or an orchid. It doesn’t try to pretend it’s a Dogwood tree. It is proud to be exactly what it is… even if it is all alone, growing up through a crack in the asphalt. Talk about overcoming hardship!

You can have your long stemmed roses and hot house orchids. Their days are numbered. Trade in your Roundup for Miracle Grow. Dandelions are the cash-crop of the future... bless their mighty and glorious golden spirits!