I've been in therapy in
various forms for almost 40 years. I am still here today because of some skilled, caring and compassionate therapists who really made a difference. I also had therpists who were clueless and just made things worse. The following dialogue was written about 10 years in, when I was disillusioned, frustrated and ready to quit. Life was a solid black 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzle with no flat edge pieces... and it felt like my therapists just kept stealing puzzle pieces when I wasn't looking. But ever hopeful, I kept trying. This was an imaginary conversation with my therapist that explains how I felt. (Sarcastic humor never fails me)
THERAPIST: Just flap your wings and fly like a bird.
ME: That's it? Fly like a bird?
THERAPIST: That's it. You've tried everything else. If you can just fly, you'll be okay.
ME: But I'm not a bird.
THERAPIST: There you go with your negative thinking again. You'll never get well if you keep thinking like that.
ME: I don't know how to fly.
THERAPIST: Of course not. You've never done this before. But that doesn't mean you can't do it. It's just unfamiliar to you.
ME: So if I learn to fly, I'll finally be sane?
THERAPIST: You got it. Flying equals mental health.
ME: Okay. You're my therapist. I trust you.
THERAPIST: Good attitude!
ME: I'll just climb up here on this cliff and get my balance... like this?
THERAPIST: That's right.
ME: It's really a long way down from here. A long long way down.
THERAPIST: That's okay. You'll be flying. It won't matter.
ME: I'll be flying. Right. Now I just flap my arms really fast...
THERAPIST: And then you leap off the cliff.
ME: Right. Flap my arms really fast and leap off the cliff. You're sure this will make me well?
THERAPIST: Positive.
ME: Did it work for you?
THERAPIST: Oh, I've always known how to fly. I'm the therapist.
ME: Right. I forgot. Just flap my arms really fast and jump off the cliff, and I'll fly and be well. Here I go.
THERAPIST: Don't forget the Swahili part.
ME: The what?
THERAPIST: The Swahili part... where you say "Flying will make me well," in Swahili.
ME: But I don't speak Swahili.
THERAPIST: There you go with that negativity again. You have to give yourself more credit.
ME: But I really don't speak Swahili! What do I say?
THERAPIST: Just make it up. You have to trust me. Just these two little things and you'll be well. Isn't that worth the risk?
ME: Just make it up, huh? Okay. Move over to the edge, flap my arms really fast and say, um, "chee chee koo la kee lee!" Flying will make me well! I believe it will work. "Mo ta tee lo kambwa!' I'm taking the risk. I'm trusting the process. "Koo loo tamba leetu."
I'm jumping.
I'm flapping.
Am I flying?
Feels like falling.
Definitely falling.
Why
didn't
I
learn
Swahili??
