THE AIR IS GONE (Caution - explicit post)






The air is gone.

I was breathing it - in and out… in and out…
and then I am sitting on the edge of the stirruped table
waiting for my yearly exam to begin
in a tiny half-gown only big enough for a child
the tissue-thin paper shredding as I try in vain
to cover my large adult nakedness…

sitting alone
waiting…
knowing in my head that I am safe
that I am choosing this wait
knowing in my head that I am not waiting for "him"

but the panic doesn't understand anything
except that I am naked
and waiting

and suddenly
there is no adult in the room,
but instead, a trembling 9 year old
struggling to cover her bare body…
waiting for the horror she knows is coming
the horror that has happened before…

and before…

and before…

and I cannot breath because
the air is gone. 



LAE  5/28/15









 




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