Missing Miracles (2009)

 

I came looking for God's face

and missed

sunlight's dappled path across the lake 

rippling dark water

autumn's palate ablaze all around

 

I came listening for God's voice

and missed

wild honking of glorious gray geese

splash of wing on water

wind singing through brilliant leaves

 

I came yearning to feel God's presence

and missed

warm sun on my cheek

earth solid beneath my feet

breath... and breath...and breath again

 

I came searching for One Mighty Miracle

and in my frantic quest

missed ONE THOUSAND!

 

There's a Mermaid in My Swimming Pool (or "A Pandemic Fantasy at My Fabricated Beach House)

 

There’s a mermaid in my swimming pool

I didn’t know was there

Until I took a dip and got

All tangled in her hair

 

Her locks were long and straight and thick

As gold as fields of wheat

It floated all about me

And wrapped around my feet

 

I looked up at her mermaid face

I saw her mermaid eyes

I’d seen some weird things in my pool

But this one took the prize.

 

I reached down and unwrapped my legs

My heart pounding with fear

But when I caught my breath, I said

“What are you doing here?

 

This is my private backyard pool

With only me admitted

The gate is locked – no one allowed

Big fish are not permitted”

 

She stood up on her tail fin

And started in to talking

She spoke the words quite quickly

As I just stood there gawking

 

Her English was a little rough

Talked faster than expected

But as I listened, I heard words

Like virus and infected.

 

I ask her to slow down a bit

So I could understand her

She took a breath, her blue eyes wide

At me she took a gander

 

Then fish-girl started in again

She said the whales were singing

About the dolphin’s upset

And bad news they were bringing

 

They all decided Google

was the only way to go

She typed in the word pandemic

And then watched the bad news grow

 

So the fish began researching

The whales and dolphins too

The crabs and lobsters, rays and eels

All seeking what to do

 

And when they found an answer

Truth that they could not ignore

They chose to leave their ocean homes

And head in for the shore.

 

They swam along the beaches

And raised their noses high

To find that special chlorine smell

That said a pool was nigh

 

Then next in line would leap right in

They worked hard not to splash

Each creature stayed so very still

They didn’t flap or thrash

 

And up the coast they swam until

Each one of them had places

That Sea Span said were free of germs

Not even tiny traces

 

My mouth still hung agape as I

Absorbed the things she told me

She begged me not to make her go

She wheedled and cajoled me

 

I pondered all the things she said

About how pool chlorine

Would keep away all viruses

And help us all stay clean

 

So finally, I told her yes

My pool was hers to share

And then before I knew it

4 more creatures joined us there.

 

There’s a mermaid in my swimming pool

3 squids and one sardine

I live there too, all pruny now

But no Covid 19!

Family Legacy

May 9, 2015

My big brother went away today, 
and the world became
heavier… darker… scarier. 

I thought I had long ago outgrown needing a big brother
to make me feel safe…

but I was wrong.

I wish I had known

his pain… his despair… his hopelessness.

I wish I had listened to the inner voice saying,  

"Find him.

Even if he has been hiding for years, find him. 

He needs you."

But in truth,

would it have made any difference?

Now my big brother is gone... 

but he is changed and healed.

Now he is whole and renewed and pain-free,

Now his mind is clear and at peace.

I am not healed.

My mind is not clear or at peace.

I want to know why,

so many years ago,

my mother chose to die,

and today,

my brother chose to die.

Is this a family tradition ~

this overwhelm with living that leads to dying?

Is it a ritual that I am expected to pass along?

I refuse.

IT ENDS WITH ME.

No matter what it takes

IT ENDS WITH ME.

No matter how hard,

how deeply enticing,

how monumentally unfair,

how exhausting and mind annihilating

IT ENDS WITH ME.

This is my vow.

I will not pass this legacy on to those I love the most.

IT ENDS WITH ME.

If there are such things as 

gods,

or angels,

or enlightened spirits, 

and if you are listening,

please do not let me forget this vow.

No matter what… do not let me ever forget.

                                                                                                                                    

Rick,

I don't understand your choice to leave, but I do know that you did exactly what you thought you had to do at the time. I will get over my hurt and anger... and will always love you, no matter what.  Thank you for teaching me to not throw a baseball like a girl, for showing me how to shoot jump shots and free throws from the top of the key - for educating me in the proper way to shoot an 8 ball into the corner pocket without scratching - and for forcing me to listen to the Beatles until I finally fell in love with them.  Enjoy the next leg of your journey Big Brother - and make it the greatest adventure yet!

"I'm Still With You" (in honor of our departed animal family members)

"I'M STILL WITH YOU" - Author Unknown

(Dedicated to Sierra and her family Nathan, Jake, April and Mike)

I stood by your bed last night. 

I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying 

you found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly

as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, 

I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast. 

I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times 

your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today; 

your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels. 

I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today.  

You tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you 

that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, 

as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you

I smiled and said " it's me."

You looked so very tired, 

and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know

that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be 

so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty, 

"I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, 

then smiled; I think you knew...
In the stillness of that evening, 

I was very close to you.

The day is over.  Night has come.  

I smile and watch you yawning
and then I say "good-night, God bless, 

I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you 

to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you 

and we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show,

 so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...

then come home to be with me!