2003 Impossible

The word impossible is not in my dictionary.

If it were,
I would probably have quit this journey a long time ago.

Sometimes the path of life is so steep and terrifying

that I fear I will come tumbling right off the face of the earth

Sometimes gravity seems to grow weaker

and I question its ability to hold me here.

Sorrow is very very heavy.

Sadness, loss, suffering… extremely burdensome.

Life tugs and tugs until I think I will fly away into space…

But I don’t… because that would be impossible

And the word impossible is not in my dictionary.

I am a survivor.

When I hit a Mt. Everest sized bump in the road,

I may fall apart for a while.

But eventually, I always regroup and move on…

whatever it takes.

I survive, no matter what.

I have done things that others thought were impossible

Because the word impossible is not in my dictionary.

I have not always felt victorious.

I have often robbed myself of my successes

and undermined my own triumphs.

But against seemingly impossible odds

I am here today,

Because the word impossible is not in my dictionary.

I have survived,

and life has changed

and I have grown.

And now, after years of living in survival mode;

after years of doing what others thought I could never do,

I am hitting a different kind of challenge…

the challenge of allowing the Good into my life.

Sometimes it actually feels like there is too much Good.

How could that possibly be?

But I have found that an abundance of Good can seem fearsome and threatening

when it is a newly discovered commodity.

A wise spiritual mentor told me that
I must gradually build a tolerance for the Good.

I must give myself time to adjust and expand.

I am developing headaches from the expansion process.

As my capacity grows, I find myself repeatedly hitting my newly extended ceiling.

SMACK!

I bonk my head and think I have hit the end of the Good.

The truth is…

It would be impossible to reach the end of the Good

Because the Good is God,

And who can find the finish line of God?

That would be impossible,

And the word impossible is not in my dictionary.

I am building a capacity for the Good in my life

If I allow it to happen, the ceiling will get higher and higher.

I will bonk my head less often

Until my faculty for accepting and opening to the Good

Extends beyond all my doubts and fears.

Amazing? Definitely!

Astounding? Absolutely!

Awe-inspiring? Without a doubt!

Impossible? Of course not…

because the word impossible is not in my dictionary!